Monday, December 21, 2009

Quod gratis asseritur, gratis negatur

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the boundaries and walls we put up in our personal relationships and how easy and hard it is to mend or break them.

One day, strangers.
Day two, I know your name.

One day, strangers.
Day two, I think I've found my match.

One day, strangers.
Day two, I hope we'll be the best of friends.

I guess, I've been thinking, filling the gaps of free time, about all the people I've come across in my yet brief path of existence.

It is completely fascinating to me how the boundaries we set perpetually change, perpetually sit in flux. One day, you may think of me as guarded off, fortress with built-in moat for extra safety. And then, maybe quickly, maybe with a bit of effort, that fortress and moat completely disappear.

When I try to trace the history, most things start off with a hello. A simple ordinarily extraordinary hello, a banal but truly magnificent hello.

Then again, I think back to how I met some of my closest friends and I, for the life of me, cannot remember. What I do know is that for a brief moment, I had not dropped the wall, had not let the moat dry out. But, then, in the next minuscule space of time, things changed. Those moments, to me, are the most intriguing.

I guess there's a threshold we stand on, whenever we encounter some one new.
And needless to say, there's been plenty a time where I never let down my guard. But to those that broke through, whether it ended well or poorly, I have no regrets.

De plus, I think about moments like first kisses. The moments leading up and the moments that follow through. I think those are the most extreme situations of letting go of boundaries.

One moment there exists two people in separate spheres of life. The next they encounter, and there's something [I leave this word purposefully ambiguous].

Regardless, boundaries still exist.
Whatever happens happens but the moment of a kiss, is the moment of greatest intimacy. Where walls and boundaries not only fall and break but disintegrate and disappear.

It's electric how it happens, how it can happen (no matter the end all results).

And then, there's the other side of the hill. The way after letting go, after dropping down, there exists times where its so fast to just put that same shield right back up.
Friendships lost, break ups, fights.
It's crazy and usually abrupt but the boundaries are put back into place. Sometimes as if they were never taken down in the first place. Other times, memories linger like ghosts around the watch tower.

I apologize if my thoughts are more scattered than normal, and tonight [sigh this morning] my words may not come to a conclusion.

This is just my train of thought right now. And, I suppose I'm not exactly sure where these tracks are headed. And maybe, I'm not/never supposed to find out.

The complex bends and folds of human nature is not anything for me to figure out. It's pretty possible that it may be best to leave them draped with translucent fabric. I just cannot seem to help but observe and think.